A thousand horses broke me...

So the other day I mentioned those days that you will lose the fight, sometimes it's just a battle.

I listen to iTunes Radio while I run, today a song came on and broke me. I hit the ground and lost it. Big ole ugly ass cry. Last year my husband was away but stateside so everyday he would sing me a song and send me the video. I had my favorites, he did too. The song he did for my birthday came on and that was it. Down for the count. In fact I'm sitting here typing this post while still crying because damn it this is my therapy! 

You know what I mean right? That song that's special to you comes on or one of those heart wrenching I lost someone songs and you just crumble. I love music it's great to change your mood and sometimes totally jack up a good run. 

Let's be honest, this sucks.

We like to talk like we are strong and going to make this deployment our bitch, but some days I'm totally owned. 

Some days I don't want to get out of bed, or talk to anyone. It's usually short lived, sometimes not even the whole day, but I hate feeling like it makes me weak.

Loving my husband, missing him, losing it for a bit because I can't open a jar or remember where he put something makes me HUMAN. Today is one of those shitty screw everyone and everything don't text me and tell me I'm strong kinda days. I want to stay in bed, not shower or eat, but I have kids so up I go off to feed and clothe them, maybe feed the animals too, they like that. Inside though I'm counting down the minutes to bedtime when I can go cry in the shower and just let go for a few. 

Originally I wanted this blog to be all positive and upbeat, a source of motivation and strength but then I thought I should be real and honest because deployments suck and sometimes it will kick your ass and that's totally okay you can get it tomorrow. 

Daddy dolls!

I have seen lots of variations on this concept. This is by far my favorite though. You send them a picture they remove the background, you choose the backing for your doll, they even have a pocket for a note or voice box. Brilliant!

My kids love these so much. They cuddle them, read them stories and have them come to events daddy can't be at, for them it's like a part of him is there then. 

Bonding Daddy and Daughter

We got our oldest this necklace (https://www.etsy.com/shop/JanelleRaeJewelry) for when daddy is gone this year. Something to wear and hold, that tangible symbol of the love and bond they share. She is out of state visiting family right now so they said goodbye today. It's always heartbreaking when it's time to part ways but knowing how long it is this time makes it especially difficult. 

I think something to hold onto will help her some, those moments you miss that bond and need to reconnect. She also has a special journal to write in while he's gone that is geared towards military kids. As they get older it gets so much harder I think. 

Love notes; open when edition

It seems handwriting a letter is a lost art. I love how personal it is. 

He has enough letters for one a week the whole time he is supposed to be gone. Ones for all kinds of things, need a laugh, miss me, memories, holidays, feeling stressed, even when I upset him :) I'm hoping he doesn't need to open to many of those ones :) each one has a hand written note, some pictures, or cards. Little things to help make it a little easier I hope. 

Love notes: sticky note edition

I used colored sticky note packs, 100 each color and folded them up and put them in an extra large wipes container, all about the reusing too. :) 

I did a set from from the kids, hand prints, notes, memories, and silly quotes, things I know will make me laugh and smile. 

A set from me of memories over the last few years. 

A set of missing you things, just things I will miss and want him to know I'm thinking about. 

A set of love quotes, from movies, books, famous people, him, me, quotes that represent who we are as a couple. 

A relatively inexpensive thinking of you pick me up while there are gone. 

I'm back :)

So I had to take a little break from the idea behind this blog but I've been hard at work behind the scenes and am ready to get back to posting some of the stuff I have been working on. :) feel free to comment and ask me anything